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Final exams and how to help

12/6/2019

Exam time is one of those times of special stress. This is also an opportunity for us to bless our international student friends.

Chances are good that your student friends will not take the time to hang out with you during exam preparation times, but you can drop by their apartment to drop off a “care package.” Cookies, brownies, nuts, or something easily warmed up in a microwave would be most appreciated! You are just letting them know that you know it is a time of stress for them and that you care!

Praying for the student’s success might be something the Lord would use to draw the student to himself later. Specifically pray for memory recall, insight, depth of understanding of the material in the class, and awareness of nuances someone not from this culture might miss.

Find out when the specific exams are taking place, but especially when the student will be free following exams. Invite the student to your home or apartment for some cultural understanding of the Christmas season and holiday traditions. Many students plan travel right after exams are completed, so your invitation needs to be timely for the student to include it in their plans.

Words of encouragement and confidence in the student’s abilities are always appropriate. Some Asian students will say things to avoid seeming confident, but your assurances are important.

So, while students will not be very available for contact during exams, these are critical times to show you care for the student and their needs.

Principles cited in this blog: Exams are times of particular stress and your efforts at caring are most appreciated. Words of encouragement are always appreciated.

Application for ISI ministry: Letting students know that you are praying for them can be something the Lord might use to draw them to himself. Inexpensive care packages are a wonderful reason to stop by a student’s apartment.

Next blog topic: Students graduating and others seeking internships

Doug Shaw with Derrah Jackson

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Special Thanksgiving blog

11/23/2019

The Scriptures exhort us to give thanks in all circumstances (I Thess 5:18), so the holiday of THANKSGIVING is not the only time we are to be rejoicing! The traditional meal is a wonderful opportunity to invite students into our homes.

Some staff have used Abraham Lincoln’s Thanksgiving proclamation as a discussion starter. Each year the U.S. President makes a Thanksgiving proclamation. Just type “presidential proclamation on thanksgiving” into a browser and see if it doesn’t pop up. Sometimes it only appears the day before Thanksgiving. Again, this is a good discussion starter.

Inviting our guests to list things they are thankful for is a fun exercise. If appropriate, you might share how you are thankful to God for his manifold grace experienced in your life. Again, if appropriate, you might ask your guest WHO they are thankful to for help and provision this past year. Follow up with questions to explore their response deeper.

After the meal, there is always time for games and football if that is what your family does. But be sure to ask about the student’s plans after exams are completed. Many students travel and visit friends, but if students are going to be here during the Christmas holidays, there are many opportunities to follow up with more invitations (church Christmas programs, Christmas meals, or just stopping by for some hot cider and desserts).

With all of these activities, I want to remind you that the key is always prayer—before, during, and afterwards. The Lord made it clear that we all need much more enablement than we typically imagine (see John 15:5). After your time with students, you will know much better how to pray for them.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving! The Lord bless you and your family… and your outreach to and prayers for international students!

Doug Shaw with Derrah Jackson

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What to do when students are physically sick

11/15/2019

One of most difficult and threatening circumstances is when international students have an acute sickness or physical crisis. One staff member received a call from a student friend who was in the emergency room at a hospital and thought he was dying. Turns out the student had a kidney stone, and it was the worst pain he had ever experienced. The staff member explained it all to him. The student was glad to learn he was not dying.

The attack for this student occurred when he was in Walmart, and he was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. The costs were astounding to him. One of the ways we can help students is to get them to appropriate care they can afford.

Some universities have an infirmary where students can go for free (as part of their student services fees). If specialists are required, they are scheduled either at the infirmary or in the physician’s office by contract with the school. Health insurance which students are required to buy is typically major-medical hospitalization insurance and of little value in routine matters. If the university does not have on-campus services, the next best thing is a nearby minor emergency clinic our urgent care clinic as a first place to start because the costs are so much less than an emergency room.

One of the key needs of many international students is dental care. One of the benefits of having a Friendship Partner who can act as an advocate is that they know local resources the student would not necessarily know about—like a dental school who needs folks to practice on and which offers free clinics. Sometimes charity organizations have clinics where there is no fee or just a small fee for services.

It is important to check with the universities’ international office to learn what medical resources are available and how to interface with those services. This subject may have been covered in the school’s orientation, but students may have missed out on the information.

Recovery and rehabilitation may be needed where the student needs to be near adults who care about them. Many of our staff have had students come and live in their homes while recovering from an illness or surgery. Often, a parent from their home country will come and stay with the student to help care for them.

Principles cited in this blog: Knowing the resources of the university plus any options the school provides is key to matching student needs to resources available locally.

Application for ISI ministry: Sometimes students need help and resources they do not possess, and which staff can help provide. Friendship Partners are a great resource here.

Next blog topic: How to help students with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

Doug Shaw with Derrah Jackson

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What to do if a student gets in trouble with a professor and feels slighted or attacked

11/8/2019

One of our roles as a friend of international students is that of advocate. We may advocate on behalf of the student to landlords, retailers, neighbors, or professors and university administrators. Having someone on your side who knows the nuances of the language and culture is incredibly helpful to a student.

One grad student felt she was being slighted by the university doctor in the care of her broken ankle. Our staff member put on a tie and white shirt and accompanied the student to her appointment with the doctor. The doctor asked who he was, and the staff member simply replied “a friend”—but he looked like a lawyer. The doctor was very patient with the student and answered all of her questions that visit. The staff member said nothing, but his presence changed the nature of the interaction between the student and the doctor. Thus, the power of advocacy.

Sometimes students do not catch the intricacies of university policies or the idiosyncrasies of a professor’s requirements. Knowing the details of the university systems, or just knowing enough to ask what the details of the process are, is sufficient for the student to get access to the help they need. Sometimes it may be necessary to inquire about an appeal process and the steps to get a grievance addressed by a higher authority.

One advocate for a student who was being prevented from graduating simply read the school’s printed procedures, ascertained that the school did not follow those, and won an appeal to the dean which allowed the student to graduate (after doing one more step).

Careful listening along with prayer, patience, politeness, and persistence are the keys to effective advocacy for a student no matter what the issue. It may be necessary to explain some details to the student and provide coaching so the student knows what to say and how to act in the midst of the process. Your patient explanations are worth a fortune to the student.

Part of the coaching you provide may be to explain why taking the circumstances personally (and becoming angry) will not help one’s case advance in the direction the student would prefer. Our modeling reactions for the student will help provide a standard of practice that will be helpful later in life.

Principles cited in this blog: Advocacy is a powerful help to students who are in trouble. Sometimes our simple presence is enough for the student to get the help the need. Our careful listening, praying, and patience with the process is a helpful model to the student.

Application for ISI ministry: Sometime in each student’s experience with the university system they will feel slighted or transgressed. Our presence to help and to guide them is invaluable.

Next blog topic: What to do when students are physically sick

Doug Shaw with Derrah Jackson

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Individual Evangelism and Discipleship with Students (Especially Chinese and Muslim Students)

11/1/2019

Evangelism and discipleship have both individual and group contexts and applications. However, with the current political climate in China and the religious restraints of Islam, answering specific questions and serious Bible study are probably better done in an individual format with these two ethnic groups.

There are many stories from experienced staff which tell of the impact of Chinese government “student watchers” and group pressure for Muslim students. One Bible study made up of Iranian students was stopped when word came from the government of Iran that all those students were forbidden to attend that group in the future. One group of Chinese scholars at a university were told by their government sponsor that if they attended church in the U.S. or a Bible study that they would be sent back to China immediately.

There are positives and limits of individual evangelistic Bible studies and discipleship. For the time being, and when a group venue is preferred, it is probably best for a student to be part of a small American group. Once the student has a personal relationship with Christ and has started to grow, it is best if he or she become part of an ethnically similar church and learn to follow Christ in a more culturally familiar setting.

As you see from this brief discussion so far, these issues are terribly complex. One solution may be right for one student and not for the next student. The Holy Spirit must guide each step.

Each student must learn to trust the Word of God and the Holy Spirit for leadership and growth. This truth is first modeled for him or her, then the student is assisted while they take initiative, then watched over as the student reaches out to another student, and then launched as the student now only depends upon his or her model for prayer for the student’s ministry efforts. In this way, the student is prepared to function in any situation with minimal support from others.

When students return home and desire fellowship with other believers whom they can trust, they may have to lead individuals to Christ and disciple them in order to be able to trust them!

Principles cited in this blog: Evangelism and discipleship with ethnic students from countries hostile to the gospel may require individual approaches initially.

Application for ISI ministry: Working with local International Students, Inc. staff will help in discerning by the Holy Spirit’s leadership what is best for any particular student at any particular time in their growth as a believer.

Next blog topic: What to do if a student gets in trouble with a professor and feels slighted or attacked

Doug Shaw with Derrah Jackson

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The Maturing of Friendship Partner Relationships with Students

10/25/2019

By this time in the fall semester, Friendship Partner® (FP) relationships with international students are well established and maturing. They have met together several times already, and the relationship is deepening. They may have shared several meals and visited some local sites. They may have introduced the student to extended family members or even made a short trip together. They may have cheered on the FP’s child in a sports event together.

Where does the relationship go from here? How does it mature and deepen further? The simple answer is this: any way the student desires it to. FP relationships are just that—relationships. There is no pressure to do anything but enjoy one another.

Ethical guidelines International Students, Inc. requires volunteers to sign clearly maintains there is not to be any pressure on students regarding religion. That does not mean religion cannot be discussed. Much of the fun of life comes from discussing politics and religion! However, we are clear that there is not to be any pressure or quid pro quos for students to adopt the Friendship Partner’s religious beliefs. If a student is interested in learning about Christianity while here in the U.S., then that is fine. If I were living in Indonesia or Pakistan for some time, I would be interested in learning about their practice of Islam, their beliefs, and their traditions.

The bottom line is that the Friendship Partner® is bounded by only giving invitations to the student, and the student is in the position of choosing to accept or reject a particular invitation. So how does a relationship mature?

Typically, relationships develop through increasing stages of intimacy. Initially, the discussion is about facts—history, details of family structure or culture, or descriptions of past or present experiences. Then the discussion moves deeper into the thinking, values, and beliefs which inform the decisions we make—why we believe what we do about culture, people, and events. Then the discussion moves deeper into feelings about how circumstances and events impact our deepest selves. At this stage of maturing we share who we are as people and make our selves vulnerable to the reactions and responses of others. Unconditional acceptance is critical at this stage of maturing of the relationship.

Celebrating together, crying together, grieving losses together, laughing together are all part of the maturing process. These are the “life” of relationships and bring joy to each of us. How long the maturing takes is different for everyone and every relationship. Relationships cannot be rushed and are dependent upon the interest and skill of each person in developing them.

Principles cited in this blog: Students ultimately lead the development of relationships with Americans. Levels of time, interest, and skill are part of what determines the maturing of these relationships.

Application for ISI ministry: Friendship Partner® relationships are a mainstay of the ministry of International Students, Inc. We honor students by allowing them to determine the depth of relationships and boundaries. Ethically we are bound by these out of respect for the student.

Next blog topic: Individual evangelism and discipleship with students, especially Chinese and Muslim students

Doug Shaw with Derrah Jackson

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International Christian Fellowships and Home Groups

10/18/2019

International students love hanging out with one another. It is a chance to “let their hair down.” We sponsor several types of events where this is a theme, but two of the most important are International Christian Fellowships (ICF) and Home Groups.

ICFs are often held on campus but could be held in churches or homes with large meeting areas. Some ICFs involve a meal to start with and most include discussions, Bible studies, and the practice of conversational English. Some include music and worship. These groups often develop traditions of their own like a song to welcome new members, ways to celebrate birthdays, or a special speaker who comes each year at a particular time (e.g., Santa Claus). Both believers and non-believers feel comfortable and accepted in these gatherings. They are safe places to enjoy one another and to have conversations about things not talked about on campus.

Home Groups are mini-versions of ICFs, though some can grow quite large. One university ICF could only get a room which would hold 60 students each week on campus. When they switched to Home Groups, they multiplied tremendously in the number of students to whom they could reach out to. Today they have twenty home groups with 20-30 students in each one… a total of more than 400 students they reach out to regularly on that campus.

Home groups typically have three American couples who do the cooking and serve as hosts. The group may meet at one couple’s home all the time or rotate between the three couple’s homes. Often the student leadership of the group will plan outings with the hosts (e.g., rodeo, farm, picnic, movie, professional sports event, historical site, etc.). The students who have a car and the couples provide the transportation. Often the three couples come from the same church, so people in the church may be involved in helping with particular tasks (e.g., driving students) or putting on events (e.g., picnic games, going fishing, shooting skeet, etc.).

These groups provide students with a sense of home and community that the campus does not. Sometimes the three couples have children who are involved in the events and that adds to the sense of home.

ICFs and Home Groups are a place where students see Christ working in and through individuals. That backdrop is powerful when mixed with Bible studies and testimonies of the difference Christ makes in a life. So, by their very nature, these groups have a consistent witness for Christ and are a key source of students choosing to follow Christ.

Principles cited in this blog: Students long for a sense of home and community; ICFs and Home Groups provide that. Often choosing to go small in outreach results in growing large.

Application for ISI ministry: ICFs and Home Groups are a mainstay of ministry for International Students, Inc. because it meets deep needs in students and has a consistent witness for Christ.

Next blog topic: The maturing of Friendship Partner relationships with students

Doug Shaw with Derrah Jackson

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Trips and Outings with New Students

10/11/2019

The first agenda items of many new international students is to get settled in their new routine and to learn how to navigate the campus and their schedule. However, after the first 6-8 weeks, there is an openness to sight-seeing and exploring this new country. Staff-, volunteer-, and Friendship Partner-led trips and local events can greatly facilitate the student’s desire to go see and do. These are wonderful times to build relational bonds through shared adventures.

Day-trips, weekend overnight trips, camping trips, going to a lake, taking in a professional ball game, or seeing a famous landmark can all be examples of things to do. If there are farms or ranches, students often desire to see one up close. Holidays are a great time to host small local events—Halloween, Thanksgiving, going to see Christmas lights.

Staff and volunteers in Texas take new students to tour NASA in Houston. Working with local churches there, they have a pot-luck supper followed by a presentation by NASA employees who are Christians (or a Christian astronaut) before sending student home with church members for an overnight stay. Sunday morning everyone goes to church together, and the students get special recognition in the service. For the students, the highlight is always staying in an American’s home. For the staff and volunteers, the highlight is the discussions in the car on the 2-4 hour drive to Houston and back. Many spiritual conversations have been begun after initial conversational niceties are completed. These conversations can be followed up one-on-one in the week following.

International Students, Inc. sponsors “TRUE Retreats” across the U.S. and in these four-day events leadership principles are taught. But more importantly, the teaching is combined with games and recreation which the students love as well as planned discussions about leadership (which can morph into spiritual discussions). Follow-up discussions often go late into the night.

Friendship Partners may take students with them to go see Granny for a visit or to a child’s soccer game in another town. Local events might be a child’s school program, local museum, or athletic event. All of these have a warm family feel to them, and students begin to heart-bond with their Friendship Partner family. The conversations to-from-during events are a key. Listening and discussing are powerful relationship builders.

Principles cited in this blog: After initial adjustments, students desire to see some of the sites and country around them. Formal and informal trips and events help new students to adjust and to learn language better. Discussions often morph into spiritual discussions naturally during these.

Application for ISI ministry: Building on student interest and time with them is great for building strong relationships. Special events and normal family events are attractive to new students.

Next blog topic: International Christian Fellowships and Home Groups

Doug Shaw with Derrah Jackson

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The Adjustment of New International Students’ Children

10/4/2019

The adjustment required of new international students and their spouses is enormous, but the adjustment of their accompanying children may or may not be easier. Age is the big factor in determining the ability of a person to flourish in another culture.

Preschool children may struggle with the new surroundings, schedule, or foods. But family life is pretty routine from the preschooler’s perspective, and that is a comfort to them. The presence of preschool children impacts the adjustment of the mother because of the limitations she has on language and transportation. Imagine the fear in a mother’s heart when her small child gets sick in a foreign country where she does not speak the language well!

School-age children’s adjustment is different. Language, social connections, ability to follow instructions, and fears are all issues these children have to contend with. However, there is such a difference after the first year in all of these issues and most children adjust very well by then. In fact, in some cases too well! Often, the children do not want to go home after 3-4 years. Many times, the reverse culture shock adjustment for children is worse than the initial cross-cultural adjustments.

What can be done to facilitate and assist school-age children’s adjustment? Offering patience along with encouragement and support go a long way in this process. An ethnic church where there are school-aged children who have to live in both worlds can be a wonderful source of relationships and comfort. Parents taking the initiative to invite families from their child’s school classroom on a weekend to get to know them and give the children time to play together can be a stimulus to relationships.

Occasionally, when there are issues of extreme shyness, withdrawal, and fears manifested as tics, a visit to the school counselor to see what aid options are available from the school might be helpful. The new international student husband may need to take the lead in communication with the child’s school due to low language facility with the mother.

Most fears will have been resolved by the end of the first year, and most school-age children make adequate adjustments in their own time and in their own way with the schooling they attend. One thing to note is that many children learning the language go through a “quiet period” where they speak very little, if at all. After six months, they break out and begin to interact very well. Be careful that the quiet period is not misinterpreted as other than normal adjustment.

Principles cited in this blog: School-aged children have more adjustment issues than preschoolers. Usually parents’ fears are unfounded, and the children make adequate adjustment in their own time (some after a 6-month quiet period).

Application for ISI ministry: Helping parents evaluate their school-age child’s adjustment could be a wonderful support to new student parents. Going to the school with the parents and explaining then and later what is happening would be well received.

Next blog topic: Trips and outings with new students

Doug Shaw with Derrah Jackson

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Welcoming new students’ spouses to campus…and into our lives!

9/27/2019

The adjustment required of new international students is enormous. But the adjustment of their accompanying spouses (typically a wife) is even greater. The level of English proficiency of many wives is considerably less than that of their student husband. While the husband had to pass an English proficiency test to even get an invitation to come to the university, his wife did not have to pass a test to join him.

Students come here typically on an F-1 visa, and spouses have an F-2 visa. Both visas are good for the term of the student’s studies. But the weekly experiences of a student and spouse are VERY different. The student gets on the bus with other students and may speak his native language to another student from his country. The rest of the time he is using conversational English to communicate—both speaking and hearing. He pays great attention because hearing accurately is critical to his success. His wife on the other hand may be fearful to go out of the apartment. If she does and encounters others, she may not be able to communicate or may be fearful. Cell phones and electronic language translators certainly help, but the wife’s intentionality and willingness to learn is a key factor. She may meet other women from her country who live nearby, but she will speak her native language to them. The spouses who have been here for a while can help the new spouses “learn the ropes.” But what if there is no one to help you or to teach you?

International Students, Inc. has initiated International Women’s Connection groups on many campuses. These are ideal for spouses to attend, get English conversational practice, and to learn skills needed to thrive while here. In addition, there are crafts, local trips and site-seeing, and often there are small children who are part of the groups. IWCs are led by female staff and volunteers who provide a loving and gentle place to learn how to adjust to this new environment. The staff and volunteers also serve as resources, cultural informants, sounding boards, and teachers.

If your campus does not have an IWC, ask the Lord if he would use you to start one. We have many resources online to help as well as a network of staff and volunteers already doing it who can help with questions, ideas, and resources.

Friendship Partner® relationships can also be a wonderful resource where the American takes the student wife under her wings. The Friendship Partner® also can provide transportation.

Principles cited in this blog: Spouses have a more difficult time with adjustment to the new cultural setting than students simply because of rate of exposure to the new culture and language. Relationships with fellow spouses from one’s own country can help, and International Women’s Connection groups are also very helpful.

Application for ISI ministry: Helping new student spouses (typically wives) is a critical part of the student’s adjustment. International Students, Inc. has several programs to help.

Next blog topic: The adjustment of students’ school-age children they bring with them

Doug Shaw with Derrah Jackson

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